Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
