im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
