Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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