Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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