Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
