so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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