Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
