her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
