Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
