apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
