Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
