things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
