I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
