What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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