My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
