dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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