i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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