No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
