My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
