someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
