My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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