Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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