He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
