Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
