I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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