worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
