go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
