He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
