hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
