i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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