if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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