you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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