summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
