now i know why i became what i already was.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize