im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
