Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
