I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
