I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
