I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Help. Why am I so naked?
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