im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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