Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
