So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
