I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
