my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
