Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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