You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
