how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
