captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
