i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
