Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
