are you still at the devil's house?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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