when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
