Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Randomize
Follow @tfln