in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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