What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize