apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
