So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
