I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
