The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
