God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So much rum. So many feels.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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