He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
