and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
