The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
