im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
