Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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