I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize