Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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