My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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