Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
