My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
