One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
