But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
