I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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