Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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