non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
