Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
